Snarky super hero movies are one of my many cinematic betes noires. Robert Downey Jnr is enough as Tony Stark in all the Iron Man/Avengers thingies – we don’t need wise-crackers like Deadpool and now, Shazam!

This is one of those in which the kid discovers his powers with the help of a geeky side-kick, with lots of references to other super heroes – nothing we haven’t seen in about six hundred Spider Man reboots over the last 20 years.

In this one, a 13-year-old foster kid finds himself in the body of an adult in a cape and outfit taking on Mark Strong and a bunch of long-tqungued demons. The ‘origins’ guff at the start is 20 minutes of the most boring shit I’ve seen all year. To be fair, it does pick up a bit thereafter and young kids might enjoy it well enough. 

I must say from the posters, I had no idea what this film even was, or that it was actually a film. I thought it might be a new price comparison site, or broadband provider, or streaming platform. It might as well be – that’s what studios are all about these days, it seems.

Look. I like the guy (Zachary Levi) who plays the adult hero – he’s in The Marvellous Mrs Maisel and I wish him well – and he does some good comic mugging here. Some people in the screening were laughing sporadically – I managed a couple of smiles and two almost-laughs, but that expository, lumpen first section had put me in such a bad mood only depression had kept me weighed down in my seat despite an overwhelming urge of wanting to escape. If only I could say Shazam! and be somewhere else… like having lunch.