Captain America: Civil War

The increasing seriousness of silly super hero movies continues apace with Captain America: Civil War**, which is really Capt. America, Black Widow and Falcon V Black Panther, Spider Man and Ant Man.

It’s tempting to call the whole thing off with one massive Who Gives shrug, such is the relentless production line of such things and such is their almost arrogant confidence in their own merits that assumes huge, on-going audience commitment. Fatigue has certainly set in in this viewer. I’ve reached peak superhero.

And yet, and yet. These films are unquestionably well made. Like upmarket pizza chains or hotels, they’re actually perfectly good yet so precision tooled as to lack character. which is super-ironic because one thing Capt America doesn’t lack is characters – it’s stuffed with them, including new ones such as Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman doing a shit African accent – get an African actor, no?) and little Tom Holland showing off his first SpiderMan skills – he looks like he’s going to be good, if by the time his own movies comes along, any is left on the planet who really wants another Spidey movie.

I mean, it’s not even a Capt American film (he’s played by the interminably boring Chris Evans, who, yes, was actually the Human Torch in one of the many rubbish Fantastic Four movies) – he’s too dull to have his own film so they overload his movie with other characters from the Avengers, all assembled to do some soul searching after a supposed rescue mission in Lagos goes a bit wrong and civilians are killed.

The UN, lead by William Hurt, want to clip the Avengers’ wings, so they sit around for a bit and some of them agree to it, while Capt America decides to go solo – with some of his chums – to defeat a rebooted Russian killer soldier programme that has been reawakened by Daniel Bruhl muttering some code words, Manchurian candidate-style.

It lasts 2 and half bloody hours, too and when they’re not sitting around quipping at each other – Robert Downey Jnr’s Iron Man has become just so annoying – they’re then hurling super powers at each other which all seems pointless as none of them can die. It’s like watching a never-ending game of Super Hero Top Trumps. And, like my littlest son always says when these things finally do come to an end – let’s play again.. sure enough, there’ll be another Marvel product along soon to supply the curiously unsatisfying sugar-rush that these films have become.

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